Hey all! How have you been? I’ve been doing just fine. Things are going well at the new house and the new job. I’m learning as much as I can and small projects around the house are getting done. I’m super excited for our big project which will be coming up shortly; we’re remodeling our kitchen. Did I mention I’m excited???
Anywho, to get to the point, I’ve got some things to confess and like Usher said, If I’m gonna tell it then I’ve gotta tell it all. Here goes:
- I didn’t lose weight like I wanted to back in February. In fact, the stress of moving two households to a new state to work a new job (those are my excuses anyway) and move back in with my long-distance husband caused me to gain a little more. I’m now the proud owner of 24 extra lbs that I need to lose. My hubs is a gem though and tells me I’m “pleasantly plump.”
- I’m on week six of the 100 pushups/situps/squats plan and I’ve completed two weeks.
- Here’s a positive: I did go on a three week run where I completed 11 of my 15 planned workouts. The bummer is that last week would have been my 4th week but I didn’t set up a plan or get any lunches together for the week and so I did nothing the. entire. week. Lesson learned: plan ahead.
- I can’t run more than 3/4 of a mile without having to stop to walk.
I hit a new low today. I didn’t have a lunch packed and had planned on buying a salad at the base grocery store but on the way I decided stir fry from Panda Express sounded more appetizing and as I was pulling in I spotted Burger King. Suddenly all I could think about was a hot gooey cheeseburger and then I rationalized how it’d been years since I had BK. I can totally go just this once. So I did and I got the brownie sundae too since the porno shot of it on the order-board looked so yummy. It wasn’t yummy.
It was terrible and fake tasting but I ate every bit of it and the burger. The fries were cold so I didn’t eat them. Karma came up and bit me in arse for it all though. When I picked up my food at the window, the clerk spilled my large water all over me and later when I got back to work . . . I had the most wicked stomach ache from Hell. The irony of it all? While I was eating I realized I was in the parking lot for the base’s former fitness center.
Never again Burger King. Never again.
Anyway, I guess the point of all this self-loathing is to confess to you all that I’m uncomfortable. It’s uncomfortable just to admit it, here, publicly (self-imposed I’m aware). I’m uncomfortable in my clothes, I’m uncomfortable in the gym, I’m uncomfortable in this dry desert heat, I’m uncomfortable working out. Which is the point right? To push yourself out of your comfort zone in order to improve? The thing is, I’m no where near as mentally strong as I was two years ago when this blog started. To be honest, I feel like a newbie again in more areas than my writing and health but in my marriage, my home, my job and even socially. I don’t have the luxury of co-workers who know my previous co-workers, which was honestly like a built-in safety net of friends.
Something I’ve been trying to remind myself almost daily. It’s okay to start over and I’m trying to do it with grace. I think today I kind of hit that big push I needed to remember what I’m really working for, which is a healthy balance to life, not a BK induced upset stomach nor the guilt for not treating myself right.
Anyways, I’m done whining . . . for now. I just wanted to come clean with those of you that are still with me.
Have you ever had to “get back in shape?” Did you have an “aha” moment that made you try harder?